It can take a long time of mental preparation, and a long time of “organized retreat”/recuperation after the fact. Taking a shower is not a ten-minute task. Most people that have depression are incredibly ineffective. Him being there is enough for me to make the effort to eat. I skip breakfast, as I have since I hit puberty. He wakes me at 10:00, and I force myself to take a shower every day. I live with my father, and this makes things a lot easier then they would be living alone. I don’t even feel bored or sad and if I do, it’s such a constant presence that I stopped noticing a long time ago. I also don’t practice any of my other hobbies: reading, writing, photography. Even though I have decent amount savings, I don’t travel, not even to meet close friends. As soon as the structure of a regular day job was removed, I regressed into a lethargic existence. I was very lucky that I did that when I did. Following a correct intuition, I quit, packed my bags, and flew home. I felt terrible, and couldn’t imagine myself feeling even slightly less terrible anywhere in the future. In hindsight, I was suffering from a severe clinical depression that was pulling me to the edge of functionality. Evenings were opposite: I didn’t go to bed until I nearly collapsed, afraid to admit that the day was a wash, and also delaying the sleep that would see me waking up anew. Dreading the fact that soon as I would get up, a new day would start, with all the difficulties that brings with it. Mornings, I wanted to stay in bed indefinitely. As a software developer, it was quite detrimental to my work.
I had no energy, motivation, or ambition.
I had a nice circle of friends, and after a lot of flathopping I had finally found a flatshare with agreeable people. I was working a job abroad that I had loved for years: interesting work, fun colleagues, and a great boss. This is a guest post and does not represent the views of CheckPoint. Author: professional game developer in Sweden
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